Choose God, Not Just His Works.
So here it was, year number two of working on the front lines with a mission group. The month of september is intense with training new speakers and growing as teams. This year I was asked to do something CRAZY. Yep, I was asked to lead the National Travel Team. Whoa God, what are you doing now?
As thirty of us gathered in the Bronx getting equipped with the tools of the spirit and the education necessary, I wondered, “what the heck did I sign up for again?” I was leaving behind so much of what is good and dear to my heart and traveling across the country to speak about Sex and Human Dignity. I know, awesomely CRAZY.
At the start of the month, my heart sunk at the reality of what is taking place. I was leaving family, friends, boy friend, dance companies, and readily accessible means to pursue art. In our day and age people might classify this as stupidness setting in. When you have so much going for you and you still walk in a different direction. Why was I doing this? Well, the only response is that God called me to something greater. Was He asking me to get rid of all that I love, not necessarily. But he was asking me to jump into his arms without knowing the outcome.
I’ve always defined myself as an artist and a dancer because my hope is to do great things for God with my gifts. Yet, is that all of who I am? I see how God works so miraculously when I use my gifts for him. Simple and profound encounters with true beauty can change a soul forever. I’ve been gifted to have a part in his works and am so grateful for these moments. Yet, is that all of who God is? The answer is no to both of the above questions. I am more than an artist and a dancer. God is so much more than the works we see from him. That year He wanted to show me who he is and who I am. “Choose Me and not my works,” he whispered to my hesitant heart.” My gifts and your joys, are good, so good, but there is more.”
I did this once before and my heart was left broken. Leaving much behind to go on mission in India with the Lord, he allowed me to feel the deep darkness of being alone that so many people experience daily. I sought to experience his works and to use my gifts that year but he desired to show me his heart of suffering and the beauty of weakness. My heart was shatter to pieces, pieces that I could not pick up because I didn’t realize what God was doing. But God had been carrying me and piece by piece is putting my heart back together to see things differently. I did not know that I was experiencing another part of him nor that I was still being used to share his love, this time through my weaknesses.
The Lord does great things, miraculous things. He uses us for good in our gifts. We feel him in moments of great grace. Yet those times are just a glimmer of his magnitude. I see that I have been running after his works instead of running to the fullness of who my God is. Furthermore, I have only strived to let him use my gifts forgetting to take into account that his strength is made perfect in my weaknesses.
Did this mean goodbye to all that I love and am gifted in? No, it did not. Yet, it was goodbye to my past approach. For all that is good to become great must be seen as they are fully. And to do that, I must know, really know, that I choose God not just his works; Daily allowing him to use my weaknesses not just my gifts.